Friday, March 5, 2010

a tale of justice

My office faces a busyish street, and for the past couple weeks I've occasionally heard someone blowing a super obnoxious car horn. It kind of sounds like a train horn, plus it's loud. A few days ago when I was leaving work, I identified the culprit--he drives a light blue Accord with tinted windows. A couple days ago when My Husband The Cop was picking me up from work, I heard that goddamn horn and saw the car again. I told him, "There's that dickhole with that loud fucking horn". We happened to get behind him on the way home, and My Husband the Cop witnessed him blowing the horn a couple of times (apparently the dude thinks his horn is really cool and makes his penis look larger, because he is all the time blowing it). It turns out the horn is loud enough to constitute a violation, so MHTC had me write down the license number and pertinent car information. He will be tracking the guy down next week and delivering a ticket, and I only wish he could videotape the moment so I could see the guy's face when it happens. That would be sweet.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

conversational excerpt

Alleged Miscreant: Why are you frisking me but you're not frisking her?!
My Husband the Cop: Because she's 5"2', weighs 100 pounds, and is a crying 18 year old girl. You're bigger, there's two of you, and you do have a tattoo of a cock on your neck.
Alleged Miscreant's Brother: HAHAHAHA I told you not to get that tattoo!

Friday, January 29, 2010

ticket happy

Several months ago my husband the cop stopped a teenage guy for driving 50 in a 30 mph zone and for wearing a gas mask. He suspected the gas mask was severely impeding the guy's vision, and considering that it took the dude a couple miles to even see MHTC behind him with the flashing lights, he was right. He gave the guy a ticket and then asked to him to put the gas mask back on so he could take a picture of it (in all its vision-impeding glory) for the report. Then he had to say, "Okay, now let's take one WITHOUT the two thumbs up".

Teenagers, man. They can be pretty funny when they're not yours.

Monday, January 25, 2010

don't worry; it wasn't Conrad

So, I started this blog (and by started, I mean I signed up for it) over a year ago but never posted anything to it. This is partly because I'm lazy and partly because I didn't want to start posting 'new cop' stories immediately after my husband started being a cop, lest someone he works with find it and know who is writing this thing. That is v. unlikely to happen, but I'm sticking with the excuse even though laziness is the bigger culprit.

Anyway, what I wanted to tell you today is that last night my husband the cop confiscated 30+ marijuana plants from a dead guy's house. He did this by pulling them out of pots, roots and all. The guy had a medical marijuana card and so it was legal for him to grow it, but of course there's no way that was all for his use, and he had $600 in his wallet when he died so he was surely dealing. MHTC said his house looked like the grow house from Weeds. I wish I could have seen and photographed it.

Also last night MHTC picked up two St. Bernards that had apparently been dumped in the middle of nowhere. If you live in WA State and would like to adopt two huge dogs, send me an email and I'll tell you where you can find them. MHTC had to rewash his Tactical Jumpsuit uniform when he got home at 6 this morning because it was just too doggy to be reworn. He was aggravated because he had just washed it and that fucker takes like 2 full days to air dry, what with being so thick and tactical.

I bet my future posts to here will be more interesting. I've just gotta get my sea legs and there will be no stopping me.

The Missus